This is really hard for me. Both because of the subject, and because I'm not the best at sharing and being open and talking about feelings and all that jazz. I'm more the kind of person to make an awkward joke, usually about penises(Peni? Whatever). When asked how things are regarding a difficult situation, a thumbs down and fart noise are an acceptable answer in my world.
But today I'm trying something different... As long as I don't back out and delete this whole thing. We'll see.
I've gotten a lot of messages and comments regarding when my current work in progress will be completed and released. I'm always hesitant to give any dates. This time, however, I really mean it. I don't know. And there's an important reason for it.
My best friend is sick. Really, really sick. And that friend is also my dad.
Back at the end of January, I met up with him and my mom at the ER because of some back pain he'd been having. We all thought it was something with his lower vertebrae(he'd had neck surgery previously). We joked and laughed, waiting for the Dr to come in and tell us the plan. We'd assumed surgery.
Obviously, we were wrong.
But, still, we joked and laughed, because that is how we are.
The MRI results showed multiple tumors and lesions on his spine. The ER doctor was quick to explain that bone cancer itself is very rare, so it's spread from somewhere else. That meant it was stage 4. He didn't elaborate further, but we knew what stage 4 meant. That didn't mean we didn't all hope they were wrong.
It was too sudden.
Things like this didn't happen to us.
He's too young.
Mistakes are made all the time.
They weren't wrong. His cancer, originating in his prostate, is aggressive and incurable. They can slow the progression, but that's it.
We're lucky enough to live near a wonderful hospital, so he gets amazing care. His doctors are all fantastic. He's responding well to some of the treatments, not as great to others, but still.
And I'm going to take the time I have with him.
I'm not going to lie or sugar coat it. My heart hurts. No, no, my soul does. I meant what I said. My dad is my best friend. I've got a problem? Email Dad. Question? Ask Dad. Funny joke, yummy recipe, new show? Dad! It's always been like that. When I was a kid, he'd joke around about how eventually I'd stop hanging out with him. That day still hasn't come. Not before all this, and certainly not after. And that gives me comfort. No regrets, right?
So why am I telling you all this? Not for the prayers or the positive thoughts, because as Dad would say, there are other people in the world that need those. Not for the sympathy or the attention(obviously). Not because I plan on moping and turning serious. That's not me. It'll never be me. Laughs, happiness, and penis jokes forever.
I'm telling you for two reasons.
One, I can't tell you when Theo and Dahlia will be out. I can say that I hope you love them like I already do, and that I'm working when I can. But I go to every doctor appointment. I go and visit every day when he's in the hospital(which happens far too often). I go spend days with him, eating weird lunches and talking about anything and everything. That doesn't always leave time to write. Sometimes I do have the time, but I'm not in the right mindset. I don't want to force the story out and not have it be all that it could be, you know?
Second, and the most important, I want to encourage you all to DO STUFF! Don't push it off. Don't say "Someday". Be responsibly reckless! I know this is the kind of inspirational crap that people always spout after these situations, but I actually mean it. Last year, I got a wild hair up my butt and decided we should go to Disney/Universal on short notice. Like I said, I'm close to my parents, so I insisted they come. They almost didn't, and I kept saying "A lot can happen in a year." I didn't know how true that was, or how much could happen in less than six months.
Now I'm not suggesting you plan a massive vacation in like a month(actually, I am, that trip was amazing!), but do fun things. Enjoy your life. Stay up a little later to read. Go goof around at the arcade, make a fool of yourself at mini golf(just me?), take a bath. Take a nap(seriously, naps are the BEST!). Cut out the toxic people(even if they are family), and focus your attention on the ones who deserve it. Call that friend you miss.
live, you know?
I'll end this with the very inspirational words of Warren Zevon:
"Enjoy every sandwich."
Thanks for sticking with me through this all!
P.S. If you have the chance, watch Warren Zevon's last Letterman appearance on youtube. That mindset, the laughter, the jokes, and the reminder to enjoy life are honestly how we are. He reminds me so much of my dad. My heartbreaks, my soul feels broken, and this situation is beyond fucked up. But it is what it is. And the important thing is to just have the time we do.