Author note: This blog post was previously published on the lovely Trinity Hanrahan's blog.
There are a few common misconceptions about smutty romance authors. Like that we’re all pervs and sex craved maniacs…
Okay, well, that part is probably pretty true.
But there are a few myths about writing sex that I’d like to debunk.
Myth 1: We wanna chat with random dudes on Facebook about sex
Truth: Imagine being an author, trying to catch up on Facebook. You see you have a new message, and get excited, thinking it’s a fan message(which are the BEST!). BAM! Dick pic. And not even a very impressive one…
First of all, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say sending a chick an unsolicited dick pic is never going to work. Ever. Let’s stop that from being a thing. But sending a random author a dick pic? That’s a good way to end up in a story, and not in a flattering way.
We write sex, true. That doesn’t mean we want to talk to random men about it. This brings me to my next myth…
Myth 2: Writing about sex gets us hot and bothered 24/7
Truth: I can’t speak for everyone with this, of course. But writing about sex is not the same as reading someone else’s scene.
If I read a book and the scenes are hot, that’s one thing. When I read my own finished work, though, I tend to dwell on what I’d change. Or whether I'm putting people to sleep with the dullness. And when I’m writing? Pppffff. Hot and sexy thoughts aren’t running through my mind. Instead, there are a lot of logistics I need to focus on.
How many hands did I just write? Wait, can she bend like that? Did I forget to have her take her panties off? Where are his arms? Can they just watch Daily Show and go to bed? How plausible is it that they’d have Cirque Du Soleil ribbons hanging from the ceiling? Why isn’t there a math equation to know if the height difference will change the logistics? Like ‘Height – Height x Dick Length= Angle’.
I also have to be careful not to just write the actions and mechanics of sex.
There has to be heat. Emotion. I like to add some playful humor between the characters before the intensity takes over. Dirty talk is also a big plus.
But it all has to be real.
Even before we get to the down and dirty, the buildup of tension takes chapters and chapters to write. And, once again, I have to pick my words carefully.
If I don’t choose the phrasing and timing of the dialogue just right, it’s easy for the dirty talk to sound like a phone sex line transcript.
So sexy, right? Excuse me while I fling my panties across the room.
All of that takes time. Effort. Uhhh, and let’s just be honest… Some borderline obsessing.
And I definitely look like I’ve spent hours in front of a computer.
Myth 3: We’re dressed like naughty sex kitten librarians while we write
Granted, I do wear glasses, but out of necessity, not fantasy.
It’s not like the movies, where I’ll take them off and pull out the one bobby pin that’s magically holding up a tumble of snarl free hair. Taking off my glasses means I’ll look shifty and squinty. And if I pull my hair out of the messy bun, I’m about 99% sure Cheetos will fall out.
And, look, while I’m being honest here… I’m pretty sure this Spongebob t-shirt I’m wearing is in danger of disintegrating off of me because I’ve worn it for a... uhhh, couple days. And the Jack Skellington PJ pants? Comfy as they are, they’re hardly the height of sexy.
Actually, that gif brings up a valid comparison. Most romance authors are like Liz Lemon.
We’re sometimes frustrated.
Writing is usually accompanied by eating what’s convenient, which is junk food, I mean, free range tofu.
Seriously, we can get really, really frustrated.
But when everything clicks together and the scene flows, it’s incredibly rewarding!
And it’s something to be celebrated
Myth 4: Romance authors aren’t real authors
Truth: This one throws me. Not real? Do people think I’m invisible? Does this mean I can finally walk around without pants on? Because last time I tried, they told me I was drunk and I wasn’t allowed back at Target.
Write suspense? Author. Biographies? Author. Mystery? Doesn’t take a detective with a magnifying glass to see you’re an author. Short stories, poems, porn with a plot? Author!
And don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
As of right now, Kindle World stories are only available in the US Amazon store. Hopefully, that will change eventually, but until then, here are the instructions on how to access it in other areas.
**NOTE** if you live outside the US: KW books are currently only available from the Amazon US store, but hopefully in the future Amazon will figure out how to offer them Internationally. In the meantime, THIS is how you can download the books on your Kindle account: If you are outside the US, you CAN get a copy of this book. Here’s how:
–Log into your Amazon UK, CA, or AU account.
–Add a United States address to your list of one-click addresses. You could try a hotel address or other business address you find online. The program is only concerned with confirming it is a legit address, not your address.
–Go to Manage Your Content & Devices, and under Country settings, change your location to US. Amazon will ask you to select an address. Select the US address you added to your one-click addresses.
–Now you can click on the Amazon US link, buy the book, and it will download onto your designated device.
–Once the book is downloaded, go back through the process changing everything back to your home country.
**NOTE** if you live in the UK: THIS has been PROVEN to work…so if the above doesn’t work…try this!!
1) Sign into your UK Amazon account and go to “manage devices” and “content” then “settings.” Scroll down to country settings
2) Where it says “Click here to learn about other Amazon sites you are eligible to shop on based on your county of residence.” Click the blue word HERE in that sentence. It will say what Amazon store you can shop at.
Then click on learn about (again, it’s in blue font)
3) Then click the yellow bar near the bottom that says “Transfer your kindle account to US Amazon.” It will transfer your account over to the US site and you can buy as normal.
4) To change it back, just do the reverse of the instructions so change from US Amazon back to the UK
Fiona Davenport's Sex, Vows, & Babies Kindle World is LIVE! Amazing authors and awesome stories, and I'm seriously honored to have been included.
Sex, Vows, & Babies Kindle World
Do Not Disturb
SV&B FB group
Please remember my story is a novelette/novella length(15K words). But, as always, hot sex and a HEA guaranteed. <3
I have exciting news! Amazon US has this cool thing called Kindle Worlds. Different authors can write their own stories that all take place within a shared "world". Get it?
On March 14th, I'll be releasing a novelette/novella in Fiona Davenport's Sex, Vows & Babies world!
I'll be honest, I totally fangirled when I got a look at the other authors participating. You can check some of them out HERE
My contribution, Do Not Disturb, is an OTT story unlike any I've written before, but man was it fun. It's short, sex filled, and sweet... Just like me!
Minus the short.
And the sweet.
But I'm all about the sex, baby.
Add it to your TBR HERE
The wonderful blog, Shooting Stars Reviews, did a post about a day in the life of yours truly. I get real and honest about my strict and sophisticated(*snort*) work schedule.
There's also kitties and a pupper!
Check it out HERE
With Us- Coming 1/13/17
More than just a dimpled smile and chiseled jaw, Theo Amato’s quick-thinking and bold confidence made him successful. Heavy responsibilities left time for close friends and family, but nothing more. It wasn’t until he looked into a pair of big green eyes that his focus changed.
Full lips, a gorgeous face, and an endearing personality had him hooked from the start.
There was nothing Dahlia Kincaid enjoyed more than a good book, a funny movie, and a full night’s sleep. Long workdays meant she rarely had time for any of them, but the sacrifice was worth it to live in the city. It wasn’t until she met a man with model good looks and sexy veined hands that her life changed in ways she'd never even known to dream of.
Wickedly sweet, Theo gently and strategically pulled Dahlia from her rut, handing her the world in the process.
But shadows play tricks on the eyes, and life wasn’t always what it seemed.
It was better.
Warning: Recommended for readers 18+ due to adult content, language, and situations.
(If you need the link to a different Amazon store, please let me know!)
Dahlia and Theo's story, With Us, is coming soon! I don't have an official date, but it's getting close to ready.
I'm so excited to share this story with you. It's something a little different than what I've done before, but I hope you'll all love it, too. I'll update with an official date once I've decided.
In the meantime, add it to your Goodreads TBR.
Or Facebook stalk me!
(Real stalking is frowned upon. It's for your own protection. I'm hardly ever wearing pants)
When I shared the news about my dad's cancer and how it meant the book would be delayed, I hadn't expected anger or anything. Still, I'd been so surprised and touched by the outpouring of love and support I got from this community. It meant so much and really allowed me to dive into With Us as an escape, rather than a forced necessity. Thank you all for the kind words, the love, and the patience.
This is really hard for me. Both because of the subject, and because I'm not the best at sharing and being open and talking about feelings and all that jazz. I'm more the kind of person to make an awkward joke, usually about penises(Peni? Whatever). When asked how things are regarding a difficult situation, a thumbs down and fart noise are an acceptable answer in my world.
But today I'm trying something different... As long as I don't back out and delete this whole thing. We'll see.
I've gotten a lot of messages and comments regarding when my current work in progress will be completed and released. I'm always hesitant to give any dates. This time, however, I really mean it. I don't know. And there's an important reason for it.
My best friend is sick. Really, really sick. And that friend is also my dad.
Back at the end of January, I met up with him and my mom at the ER because of some back pain he'd been having. We all thought it was something with his lower vertebrae(he'd had neck surgery previously). We joked and laughed, waiting for the Dr to come in and tell us the plan. We'd assumed surgery.
Obviously, we were wrong.
But, still, we joked and laughed, because that is how we are.
The MRI results showed multiple tumors and lesions on his spine. The ER doctor was quick to explain that bone cancer itself is very rare, so it's spread from somewhere else. That meant it was stage 4. He didn't elaborate further, but we knew what stage 4 meant. That didn't mean we didn't all hope they were wrong.
It was too sudden.
Things like this didn't happen to us.
He's too young.
Mistakes are made all the time.
They weren't wrong. His cancer, originating in his prostate, is aggressive and incurable. They can slow the progression, but that's it.
We're lucky enough to live near a wonderful hospital, so he gets amazing care. His doctors are all fantastic. He's responding well to some of the treatments, not as great to others, but still.
And I'm going to take the time I have with him.
I'm not going to lie or sugar coat it. My heart hurts. No, no, my soul does. I meant what I said. My dad is my best friend. I've got a problem? Email Dad. Question? Ask Dad. Funny joke, yummy recipe, new show? Dad! It's always been like that. When I was a kid, he'd joke around about how eventually I'd stop hanging out with him. That day still hasn't come. Not before all this, and certainly not after. And that gives me comfort. No regrets, right?
So why am I telling you all this? Not for the prayers or the positive thoughts, because as Dad would say, there are other people in the world that need those. Not for the sympathy or the attention(obviously). Not because I plan on moping and turning serious. That's not me. It'll never be me. Laughs, happiness, and penis jokes forever.
I'm telling you for two reasons.
One, I can't tell you when Theo and Dahlia will be out. I can say that I hope you love them like I already do, and that I'm working when I can. But I go to every doctor appointment. I go and visit every day when he's in the hospital(which happens far too often). I go spend days with him, eating weird lunches and talking about anything and everything. That doesn't always leave time to write. Sometimes I do have the time, but I'm not in the right mindset. I don't want to force the story out and not have it be all that it could be, you know?
Second, and the most important, I want to encourage you all to DO STUFF! Don't push it off. Don't say "Someday". Be responsibly reckless! I know this is the kind of inspirational crap that people always spout after these situations, but I actually mean it. Last year, I got a wild hair up my butt and decided we should go to Disney/Universal on short notice. Like I said, I'm close to my parents, so I insisted they come. They almost didn't, and I kept saying "A lot can happen in a year." I didn't know how true that was, or how much could happen in less than six months.
Now I'm not suggesting you plan a massive vacation in like a month(actually, I am, that trip was amazing!), but do fun things. Enjoy your life. Stay up a little later to read. Go goof around at the arcade, make a fool of yourself at mini golf(just me?), take a bath. Take a nap(seriously, naps are the BEST!). Cut out the toxic people(even if they are family), and focus your attention on the ones who deserve it. Call that friend you miss.
live, you know?
I'll end this with the very inspirational words of Warren Zevon:
"Enjoy every sandwich."
Thanks for sticking with me through this all!
P.S. If you have the chance, watch Warren Zevon's last Letterman appearance on youtube. That mindset, the laughter, the jokes, and the reminder to enjoy life are honestly how we are. He reminds me so much of my dad. My heartbreaks, my soul feels broken, and this situation is beyond fucked up. But it is what it is. And the important thing is to just have the time we do.